Tag Archives: diet

#280: A Mostly Unrhymed Food Dipodic at the Close of Teacher Appreciation Week


This week for teacher
appreciation,
they bring us junk
to eat, like chips,
and candy, bread,
pancakes, syrup,
none of which I
can eat, sadly.
Yesterday, kids
wheeled in wagons
full of goodies
into classrooms
from which I could
only choose bottled
water. Somehow,
this week I don’t
quite feel the love;
appreciation
is not for me
in the midstĀ of
this Whole 30.

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#271: The Neologist Speaks about Food

whole30_thumb

Whoever made this graphic forgot to add SUGAR to the NO list.

Lately, I have had two dreams,
both inexorborific,
one concerning jelly beans,
another about beer, farfignewtons.
I will dream next about cheese.
I have not had a sandwich
in ten horrorflopnoggen days.
Candy is no longer thingful.
I wouldn’t recognito a potato chip
if it bit me right on the keatettle.
I’ve not had milk. I tried something
called Almond Yogurt and it
nearly killed me with its awfulscrap.
All my buzzes lately have been
100% natural, doubleplusgood.
I rolled up some cabbage inside
of a slice of deli-meat, chewed
and swallowfinched.
I grillified salmon, lean meats.
Eggs and bacon, bacon and eggs,
fruits and vegetables, fruits and fruits.
I am told I will become very clean
both inside and outtheresomewhere.
I am the king of my domainname.
I speak of food as if it were all nuts and berries.

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#246: A Recipe

A Recipe

Mix together
in a bowl
the following
invisible things:
Ad no alcohol,
zero grains,
absolutely no
sugar, no beans,
no milk, butter,
or cream, and no other
artificial anything.
I have a bad
feeling about this.
Someone in the house
wants to go healthy
and I have agreed
to play along.
The part of me
that knows it’s a
good idea is engaged
with the other part
in an epic match
of mud wrestling.
Let’s see who
comes out on top.

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