Inspired by Frank O’Hara’s “Lines for the Fortune Cookies”, today’s assignment is to write a fortune cookie poem. It seems to me that the following is a gag that at some point or another I was talking about with friends, you know, one of those, wouldn’t it be funny if conversations.
Evil Fortune Cookies
No one likes you. Stop talking.
Terrible things are coming your way. Suck it up.
You are wrong about everything.
You are not good.
Opportunity knocks–on someone else’s door.
Your day will be entirely uneventful. Don’t bother.
All your hopes and dreams are stupid.
Wouldn’t it be funny
if those were the kinds of things
we read in fortune cookies,
and maybe helpful, too,
in steeling us against
the hardships of reality,
helping us grow thicker skins?
Anything, perhaps, would be
better than this pablum:
You will find much happiness
in some indeterminate place
with unidentifiable people
around your such and such
talent and skill.
Give me the evil fortune cookie