#21: Evil Fortune Cookies


Inspired by Frank O’Hara’s “Lines for the Fortune Cookies”, today’s assignment is to write a fortune cookie poem.  It seems to me that the following is a gag that at some point or another I was talking about with friends, you know, one of those, wouldn’t it be funny if conversations.

Evil Fortune Cookies

No one likes you.  Stop talking.
Terrible things are coming your way.  Suck it up.
You are wrong about everything.
You are not good.
Hey ugly.  
Opportunity knocks–on someone else’s door.  
Your day will be entirely uneventful.  Don’t bother. 
All your hopes and dreams are stupid.

Wouldn’t it be funny
if those were the kinds of things
we read in fortune cookies,
and maybe helpful, too,
in steeling us against
the hardships of reality,
helping us grow thicker skins?
Anything, perhaps, would be
better than this pablum:

You will find much happiness
in some indeterminate place
with unidentifiable people
around your such and such 
talent and skill.  
Give me the evil fortune cookie

Published by michaeljarmer

I'm a public high school English teacher, fiction writer, poet, and musician in Portland, Oregon

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: