#420: I’m Not Interested In Your Bass Rig (a poem on April 15, 2022)

I’m not interested in hearing about your bass rig
and all of your basses, and neither is our bass player.
You’re a sound guy–I mean, at least tonight,
that is your job. So please stop talking our ears off
about your stupid bass rig. I don’t want to know
about your tube amplifier; I don’t want to hear
about the make and model of your bass, how
many strings it has beyond the compulsory number,
how often you change its strings,
what kind of music you use it for, and what kind
of bass you use for other kinds of music.
I don’t want to know that you play bass
and sing lead vocals at the same time.
I’m just not interested. And I wish you had the sense
to discern, from my body language, maybe,
or from the fact that I’m not even looking in your
direction, but rather, trying to pack up my drums
as quickly as I can so I can go home and have a drink,
that I am not interested. Neither, and especially,
is our bass player interested in hearing about your
bass rig. She’s trying to be polite by nodding or smiling
or acknowledging your presence just enough
not to come across like a mean person, but trust me,
she is not interested. Just because she plays the bass
does not mean she is interested in hearing all about
your bass rig. And she’s not interested in you, either.
She’s not impressed, and like me, she would just like
you to shut your mouth and let us pack up our stuff.
You’re creepy and clueless. Please, stop talking.
No one is interested in your bass rig.

Published by michaeljarmer

I'm a public high school English teacher, fiction writer, poet, and musician in Portland, Oregon

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