According to my Insight Timer
statistics, I meditated 203 consecutive
days and then I stopped.
This morning, I meditated
for the second consecutive day.
Part of me feels like I’ve been
robbed, so disappointed to
have broken my streak,
to have experienced such
a monumental stats fail.
Another part of me wants
to trash the Insight Timer
altogether, right along side
of this new stupid smart
watch that’s keeping track
of my heart rate, minutes of
exercise, number of hours
in which I spend at least
one minute standing, and
the number of steps I take.
The tech can motivate, I know,
and that’s primarily why
I use it. Something about
keeping track of the number
of hours you do good things
for your body and soul is
somewhat satisfying,
and yet, it’s also a bit of an
anxiety producing irritant.
Suddenly I feel bad that
I missed a day of meditation
instead of congratulating
myself after 203 consecutive days
and that’s just stupid.
Some things can’t or shouldn’t
be measured. Inner work
is not a quantifiable thing.
What if I just did the stuff
I want to do for my health
as often as I could, and lumped
any kind of “keeping track,”
any kind of enumeration?
What if, instead, whenever
I felt like it, whenever I wanted,
I just gave myself permission
to sit in silence for awhile and breathe?
michael jarmer 