. . .I had a nightmare of sorts in the duration of sleep between 7:30 and 9 AM. It was one of those deals where you wake up too early, say, 6, and lie awake hoping to sleep again for something like an hour and a half, and then suddenly you’re out, dreaming these super-realistic and detailed story dreams. Mine went like this:
I was teaching, and the principal asked me if he could borrow my computer for an entire work day. I said, no, I need that computer to do my job. It’s got all my shit on it. My dream self thought that would be the end of it, but at some point later in “the day,” I discovered that my computer was missing. I tracked down the principal through office hallways packed with people preparing for something very auspicious and completely unclear to me. I got his attention, invited myself into his office and said, hey, why did you take my computer? He said something disingenuous and stupid, questioning whether or not it was appropriate to use technology in every lesson. I said, have you been inside a modern classroom lately? And then the truth comes out–he pointed my attention to something that had been printed, how or from what source it was not clear, that indicated that my work computer had information or material on it that was inappropriate for the work place. I remember reading a title on this printed material, something about Selfhood and Identity. I was flabbergasted and suddenly defensive and not a little bit afraid. And then it occurred to me in a moment that this idiot principal could not discipline me or fire me–because I had already RETIRED!
Two plus years away from a life in public education, and from time to time, I still have teaching dreams, oftentimes nightmares. The source of this particular one is clear, because the worst moments of my entire career happened when some administrator with a hard-on for catching teachers in some sort of professional offense, mostly imaginary, approached me with some alleged and potential wrong-doing. It only happened a couple of times in 32 years, both times whatever it was that I was doing or had done was found to be completely benign, but the days of sleeplessness and the stress from feeling attacked by people who you hoped would be your advocates–that kind of thing sticks with you and sometimes visits you, years later, in your dreams. To be clear, two or three incidences in 32 years is pretty good, and in all those years, none of my principals were idiots, and only one administrator seemed to me decidedly anti-teacher. I was extremely lucky. I have known and worked with teachers whose experiences with the same administrators were decidedly less rosy. Sometimes, the negative attention these teachers experienced was deserved.
Good news on the morning routine front: between 9 and noon I was able to make coffee, meditate for 20, deal with the dogs, write several hundred words, prepare and consume the oatmeal, walk the dogs, and read some in Moon Unit Zappa’s Earth to Moon. As a reward I spend some time with my stupid smart phone. My hope is that the deeper I can get into this kind of morning routine, hopefully beginning earlier in the day, I will be less needful of a reward, because the act of beginning the day with things I truly want and need to do will result in just wanting to do more of that stuff. I’m anxious to test out this theory.
For the remainder of the day, I’ll do some chores around the house, maybe visit the grocery store, listen to music, and work on a mix of that new song in the studio. I have decided it will be another good day.
michael jarmer 